You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
