so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Houston, we have a squirter
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
