i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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