So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
