it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
