it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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