i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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