Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
