Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
