you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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