New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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