I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
