she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
