Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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