the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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