Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His hands were made for my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize