im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
