My room smells like vodka and shame
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize