you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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