My liver just broke up with me...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
