theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize