If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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