he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we're making bets on your personal life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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