it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
