I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
