I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
