There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
