I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
