Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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