i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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