honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
