There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
