I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
