and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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