so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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