This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize