i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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