He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
