tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize