there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
