Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
