I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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