Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
