his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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