i jhust puked up my retainher.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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