id be glad to
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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