well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
