Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
