That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize