Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
