Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
