I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
