That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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