I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
