You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
