That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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