I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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