oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
