i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
