I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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