Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
