I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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