True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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