My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
