I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
