if you like me you must not know who I am
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
