Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
