he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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