i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
