I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
