hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
