Porn is love you can see.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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