I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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