Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
