Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
