anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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