Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
