Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
