Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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