i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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