Can i not drive my cunt home
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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