Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
