These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
