3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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