i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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