When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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