I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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