Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
PANTIES FOUND
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