Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
