I'm gonna have a badass scar
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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