We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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