You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
