you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
